“Hello My Name Is… Awkward”
I was recently at a Chamber of Commerce event, and it got me thinking… you know those little sticky “Hello My Name Is” tags they give you at the registration table? Yeah, those innocent little rectangles of doom.
Whoever designed them clearly never considered women with “goods.” Because let me tell you—there is no dignified way to slap a sticker across your chest without turning it into an unintentional eye magnet.
Like, hello sir, are you learning my name or reading my bra size? Hard to tell. And what about when you’re the one trying to remember their name? It’s printed right there, but you don’t exactly want to be caught staring at someone’s chest like you’re solving a puzzle.
And don’t even get me started on the placement struggle. Too high? Now my hair is stuck to the corner and I’m ripping it out all night. Too low? Congratulations—you now have an all-access pass to my boobs every time you “read my name.”
So, what genius came up with this system? Probably a guy. Probably a guy named Bob. With a flat chest and a giant belly. A guy who’s never had to choose between looking professional or feeling like he’s flashing a room full of strangers.
Here’s my proposal: can someone PLEASE design a new kind of name tag?
A cute headband with your name across the top like a tiara.
A glowing LED necklace.
A little flag I can wave proudly like, “Yes, my name is Bee, now let’s move on.”
Or better yet, QR codes we wear on our wrists. You want my name? Scan me, buddy. Eyes up here.
Until then, I’ll keep doing that awkward shuffle where I point at my name tag without actually pointing at it. Because nothing screams confidence at a networking event like shouting: “My eyes are up here—and so is my NAME!”
