A brutally honest, painfully funny look at why the holidays aren’t magical for everyone — and why I’m hiding with coffee (and maybe Baileys) until January.

It all started with coffee and an idea. Four months and twenty gallons of stain later, the house is stained, the bathroom is repainted, and my poor husband is still pretending this is fun.

At a recent Chamber event, I realized “Hello My Name Is” stickers were clearly not designed for women with “goods.” Too high—hair stuck. Too low—eyes stuck. Read on for my (brilliant) ideas for a better name tag system.

One sip of my mocha latte and suddenly I could sell mansions, run marathons, solve world peace, and still clean the house before lunch. Today, I’m unstoppable.