“The Night Owl Chronicles”
By Ollie the Mastiff
Victory is mine. I knew it would happen eventually.
Bedtime? Overrated. Crates? Boring. Sleep? Who needs it when there are so many more important things to do… like squeaking toys, jumping on and off the couch just for fun, or pouncing on my sister when she least expects it?
Mom and Dad thought they had me figured out. They thought if they took me out for “one last potty break” and tucked me into that crate, I’d just sigh, flop over, and dream of treats. HA! Not anymore.
Now, when they say “bedtime,” I launch into action. First, I pull my signature move — the couch routine. I flop dramatically onto the cushions, bury myself in the laundry, and give Dad the sad eyes. It’s my masterpiece. But eventually, they catch on. They sigh, they point to the crate, and I know what’s coming.
That’s when Phase Two begins. As soon as they close the crate door, I start to cry. Not a little whimper — oh no. This is a full emotional performance. I pour my heart out like I’m auditioning for a tragic movie role. Then comes my secret weapon: the bark. Not loud, but the most annoyingly high-pitched squeak of a bark you’ve ever heard. Ear-piercing. Impossible to ignore. Designed for maximum irritation until someone lets me out (usually Mom, because she HATES it the most).
Eventually, they give in. They always give in. They open the door, thinking I might need to go outside again… or maybe get a drink. But no — out I come, free once more, ready to play. Stanley sighs and rolls her eyes, but I don’t care. I’M WINNING.
The night is mine — the quiet hours when the humans want to sleep, but I… I want to live. To play. To chew. I’m just a giant puppy who needs to play! And I don’t want to be alone. I miss my family when it’s bedtime!
One day, they’ll stop fighting it. They’ll realize bedtime is pointless. They’ll stay up with me, tossing toys and giving belly rubs until the sun comes up.
Until then… the resistance continues.
Sleep is for quitters.
Sincerely,
Ollie 🐾
(The Night Owl, Champion of No-Bedtime)
