“Dear World, My Brother is a Drama Queen”

By Stanley the Greyhound

So my brother hacked our mother’s Facebook page and told the whole world he was a victim? Well let me tell you… that’s not the whole story.

Let me set the record straight: I am not a thief. I am a lady. A dignified, brindle beauty with long legs, a perfect snoot, and 11 years of wisdom under my collar.

Now, my little brother Ollie (and yes, I can call him “little” even though he’s already 150 pounds) has been spreading lies about me. Lies! He tells everyone I “steal” his bones. Excuse me? That’s called sharing. He’s young, he needs to learn about generosity, and who better to teach him than me?

Also, let’s be honest—he doesn’t even know how to chew properly. He just slobbers all over the bones until they’re soggy. I’m doing him a favor.

And his constant crying to Mom? Please. Every time I so much as look at one of his toys, he acts like I’ve committed a felony. Barking, whining, throwing a full-on toddler tantrum. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there, minding my own business, enjoying a bone that, technically, was available. If he wanted it so badly, he should’ve hidden it better.

As for the “ear biting” situation—don’t get me started. He’s obsessed with me. Obsessed. Always nudging, pawing, chewing on my ears like I’m his personal teething ring. Sometimes I humor him (because I’m a good sister), but other times? I swat him. He deserves it. Don’t let those sad puppy eyes fool you—Ollie is annoying.

Now, don’t mistake me. I do love the big lug, in my own way. But I’m not about to cuddle him or give him credit where it’s not due. He’s dramatic, spoiled, and yes, still wet behind the ears.

So, world, don’t believe everything Ollie tells you. I’m not a villain. I’m just a queen living with a whiny court jester.

Sincerely,

Stanley