“I Don’t Wanna Go to Bed”

By Ollie the Mastiff

Listen. I’ve got something to say.
I DON’T WANT TO GO TO BED!!!!

Every night Dad takes me outside for one last potty break. Fine — I do my business. No problem. But then… THEN… he expects me to go to bed. To my crate. To my boring, quiet, no-fun crate.

Meanwhile, just a few steps away, sits the couch. The glorious, soft, cozy couch. Usually with a pile of laundry on it (clean? dirty? who cares — it’s comfy).

So here’s my routine: as soon as we come back inside, I bolt for that couch. I dive into the laundry mountain like it’s my personal fortress and I give Dad the eyes. You know the ones — big, sad, wrinkly, “how could you do this to me?” eyes.

It works—briefly. Dad pets me and lets me stay up while he brushes his teeth. Then I curl into the laundry pile and pretend I’m invisible. If I make myself small enough, maybe he’ll forget it’s bedtime.

Spoiler: it never works. He always finds me. He always makes me go to bed.

But I’m not giving up. Tonight: the couch. Tomorrow: the couch. One day, I will win.

Sincerely,
Ollie 🐾
(The Resistance)